A lot's happened since my last post; somehow, I got into university (Plymouth) to study Illustration and am doing an even worse job at being a student.
And this is where I'm going to be brutally honest; at the minute, I am in one of my seemingly annual spells of depression. It never really felt like I came out of the last one, but I must've done somehow to get here. As such, it's been incredibly debilitating in terms of actually creating. Or doing most things.
So I've been at a loss for what to do about this precisely; I eventually went to my course leader about it and he was surprisingly sympathetic. He's suggested I try a visual diary about the depression in a bid to help pull me out of this funk.
And actually, it's not a bad idea. I had to do one as the condition of my offer from them and I found it quite useful to let off some steam and get used to the idea of being more reflective in my work. So I'm making tentative steps to actually enjoy drawing again and not hate everything I produce on sight. :)
Here's one thing I drew last night when I couldn't sleep (something else I'm having to deal with):
Admittedly, the whole metaphor of a black dog for depression is not the most original but I think it's the most fitting description I can think of for the oppressive weight that sits on your shoulders when you feel this way. Plus, I like the way it kind of links to a particularly British folklore tradition of black 'devil' dogs being bad omens. That and I like drawing big scary dogs. :I
I'm feeling a little more positive but I know it's going to take me a while to properly sort myself out. Still, maybe this'll do the trick. We'll have to wait and see, I suppose.
I think I can relate a bit to how you feel, where it seems there's been a sort of depression there for a while lingering, and you don't really know that it is depression until much much later of being in it. The only thing you can do is go up, and as cruel as it may seem, you must always realise that there is a much much worse life out there that luckily doesn't belong to you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't necessarily keep a visual diary of exactly how I felt, but I think a lot of that sombre feeling and haplessness had seeped into my work and because of that I kept feeling my work was absolute crap. So while this can be very helpful, be careful that you only let the depression show in your work, and not become a crucial part of the process.
Focus on getting better, and it may hurt to feel that the only thing you can do is get better at first, but really, it is the only thing anyone can do.
Keep drawing.
P.S. Sorry for the long winded comment, and I really hope it helps, rather than come off...awkward....